‘One day we may be visited by a little ray of truth and realize we can do better. That’s the opportunity for us to become the initiator of actions that create a different reality. Welcome to a new world.’

A guy showed up on my virtual doorstep a couple days ago offering me a parka and galoshes and I am awed by what he shared with me.  

… the magnitude of the difficulty you overcome is proportional to the help you can give to others. 

If this is true, my struggle and being honest about it is also helping you.  Many of you feel this anger too.  You don’t want to simply ‘be nice’ anymore.  You too don’t want to sit down and be quiet and act like you care, or are happy, when you’re not.  You also feel this growing discontent that begs for you to explode into your truth.  No matter what the reaction and response from others.

I said I was glad that so many people un-subscribed from my mailing list.  They made a choice that was right for them.  And I am glad.  Very glad.  I want to be seen and heard as me, for the truth of me, not some masked image of what a good Mom, nice woman or happy wife should look like.  I want to rock the world with my truth and make waves of energy that affect the field we all live in that helps others heal too.

I’m tired, really tired of trying to be someone I am not.  I’m not nice a whole lot of the time.  I’m really messy and make so many mistakes.  I don’t have my shit together.  I’m 59 and there is a huge part of me that says I should be so different.  That I should have my life all figured out by now and be preparing for the next phase of my life, which is retirement.

Retirement?  What the hell is that?  I’m just beginning.  I’m starting all over.  How can it be that I’m 59 and just beginning?  And I am.  I am beginning.

I AM BEGINNING TO BE ME.

I’m living life without any substance to alter the way I feel and am looking squarely in the face of the present moment and seeing what is right in front of me.

I am scared to my core.

And I’m exhilarated.

I feel the possibility of greatness that lies ahead.

You say you want to be a part of the Truth Tribe.  I don’t know what it will look like but I’m going to create it.  I’m going to start telling the truth.  I’m going to start living the truth and risking it all.  I’m not sure what I’m risking more than you un-subscribing.  If it’s you not liking me, do you really like me anyway?  And does it matter?  What is it that we really like anyway?  And why?  Why do we need to be liked?  Why do we need to affirm to one another our likes and dislikes and join groups of ‘like-minded’ people to share our masks with?

I want to be with people who are different minded.  Honestly, I want to be with people who are out of their minds.  At least out of their ‘right minds’ and into their crazy, mixed up, stirred up wacky minds and start changing the world.  At least changing our own worlds and wanting something more.

I’ve always disliked malls, and advertisements.  I turn the volume down and look away when ads come on the television.  I go late to movies to miss all the ads and previews.  I feel barraged with others screaming in my face to look at things I don’t have any interest in or need.  People are brainwashed into consuming things and beliefs they don’t really want or need to fit in to some reality that isn’t even theirs.  Thoreau said “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation” and I know it’s true.

I WANT TO HEAR MY OWN VOICE.

I WANT TO SPEAK MY OWN TRUTH.

I WANT TO LIVE MY OWN LIFE.

I don’t want to live yours anymore.  I don’t want to say what I think you want to hear anymore.  I don’t want to listen to endless noise and garbage screaming for attention.  I want to go in to me and live through my wild and crazy storm and say YES so loud it deafens out all the noise that isn’t me.

Maybe, just maybe then I will be able to see you more clearly and truly know that we are in this life together, for a reason that we may not fully understand.

‘All I am certain of is you are here for a purpose you have discovered and are living it, giving it away.’

I can’t live your life and you can’t live mine. We each have to live our own life and share what we discover with one another.

‘I’m not sure of what I’m doing. I follow each inspiration as it unfolds and somehow it is all working out.’

I’m not sure what I’m doing at all.  All I know is I must follow my own voice into this crazy, turbulent wild storm that is raging inside of me and hope that I come out alive.  As the guy in the storm said, I want desperately to,

‘…..resonate with that which is in the process of emerging from within you.’

Something is emerging.  I’m not going to put a lid on it anymore.  I’m here now to live and love fully. I don’t want to hold back any more.  I want to be immersed in this storm and fall down exhausted, depleted and empty at the end of it all and look back and say,

I am just beginning.

Love Lessons