Last week I invited you to share and then…..the air waves went silent.  The next step was J and the possibilities were not good.  Joy, Jubilance or some sort of Jovial offering was just not going to happen.  The J that has been living in me through coronavirus, and the response from our current republican government, is the fear that  justice and goodness will not prevail.  My belief in justice is fading.  It’s hard to admit that.  I want to have hope and belief that all will work out for the best.  Much of the time I believe that and at other times, like these past few days, I find it challenging.  In its place is a sense of hopelessness and fear that is hard to write about.  That is the reason for this silence.  There is no joy or jubilance in my heart as I witness our government destroy the earth and countless lives with their greed, moral weakness and complete lack of integrity.

While protesters feel victimized by their governors’ orders to stay inside, they feel justified to fight against what they believe is wrong, that someone in a position of authority is interfering with their freedom.  I fear that justice will never come for what I perceive as extraordinary corruption of a few in power and the acquiescence of the vast majority of Republican senators and congress to allow that to happen.  While so many suffer at the hands of so few I fear that justice will never be served and those in power that have allowed this to happen, will never be held accountable for their cruelty, corruption and greed.

Before 2016 I believed in democracy, justice, the rule of law and the goodness of human beings.  I knew, in my white privilege way that for many, justice never comes.  The poor, immigrants, minorities, etc., suffer in the shadows of the world and this country.  Their suffering never touched my life intimately so I could avoid the truth of those ‘others’.  Now I am an ‘other’ and am faced with the truth, that life is not fair and this country does not hold most of us with real care.  We may not be able to change the course of this ugliness.

In the midst of this hopelessness I went silent.  You were invited to share and I didn’t know how to speak when I saw what was coming with J.  Laying before me was the reality that justice may not prevail and light may not overcome darkness.  I want hope.  Instead I have fear that it will not end well.

I don’t know how to continue on this alphabet path of evolution.  The road is dark and I am afraid of what lies ahead.  I want the bad people to be held accountable for their corruption.  I want fairness and goodness to prevail.  What if there is no justice and nothing good comes from all this struggle?  What then?

I so wish I had an answer and could create a happy ending for all of us.  I don’t.  I’m not going to search for a poem or some words of wisdom.  I am simply going to trust that as you read these words you will share any shred of hope you have so we all may be lifted a little higher and see that there still is light above these dark and desolate clouds.  Then, hopefully, we can once again know that anything is possible.